Trailer of the Day: World War Z

Yikes! What a mess!

When I see this trailer it brings up some conflicting feelings. The book World War Z is one of the finest horror novels ever written and probably the best book about zombies ever written (Pariah by Bob Fingerman comes close), and whenever I see that name I get a little chill. Knowing this trailer exists makes me excited, however the content of the trailer...

In the book the narrator is sent on a fact finding mission by the U.N. in which he is to go around the world and interview survivors of the now finished world zombie apocalypse. With this setup the book is then comprised of firsthand accounts from survivors and how they (and the world) survived "world war z".

The strength of the book really lies in the personal side of a zombie scenario. Much like The Walking Dead, the story is so moving and frighting because it bring a big, worldwide event down to a very relateable level..  So with that said I'm going to have to talk about it as an adaptation first and then a stand alone movie.

So watching this trailer the first thing I thought is that, even though it already looks like it diverges from the book, it could still be a halfway decent adaptation. Maybe Brad Pitt's character meets some of the characters from the book or experiences some of the things described in the book.

Then the fast zombies show up.

Look, I don't have any problem with fast zombies. I thought the new Dawn of the Dead was very good but scary in a different way then the original. 28 Days Later is one of the few movies that gave me nightmares. This, however, is based on a story where fast zombies don't transfer over very well. With out giving any spoilers away, most of the scenarios in the novel can't really happen with zombies this fast.

I realize that it might be too much to ask for an exact, word-for-word Hollywood transfer, but come on. Why even buy the rights if the final project looks nothing like it's source? Did they pay all that royalty money for a cool name?

Anyway, taken out of context of the book the movie doesn't even look that good! Bad CG and explosions does not make a great movie. Who directed this, Micheal Bay?

Zombies are scary because they're personal. Zombies aren't just another monster, they're you, they're your friends, people you loved, and they're trying to kill you in the most horrible of ways. And if you get bit it's a slow death leading something even worse. Somehow a wave of bodies does not convey the creeping fear that makes zombies so scary.They could have replaced zombies with a wave of angry hobbits or Twilight style vampires and it would have been the same thing. It looks like they've taken everything that makes zombies unique and scary out of this movie.

So that's my take on this, if anyone cares. Who knows? Maybe this was just a bad choice of footage for the trailer. Maybe when the movie comes out they'll have cleaned up the special effects some. However, if this does end up being just another bad, generic horror movie, the saddest part will be that we will never get another chance at seeing Max Brook's haunting masterpiece in movie form again.

Trailer of the Day: Silent Hill: Revelation 3D

What the hell?!? Who gave this the greenlight??? Isn't bad enough we're still suffering through those awful Resident Evil movies? QUESTIONS!

Anyway, I'm loathe to even call this a horror movie. Silent Hill, along with the Resident Evil  flicks, are more action movies with a horror theme then they are an actual part of the genre. The first Silent Hill was a terrible mess of a film. Bad acting, boring plot, and no scares, it was a pretty poor, over-produced excuse for a horror movie.

Don't the people making these realize that horror video games are scary because of what they don't show? "Oh no! Scary nurses and that pyramid head thing! I'm terrified!!!". The only times I'm ever scared by a game is when it lets my imagination run wild. *SIGH*

At least they had the decency to put 3D in the title. I like when they do that because it lets me know which movies to never go see...

Trailer of the Day: The Masque of The Red Death

When the trailer for a move starts off with "AN ORGY OF SAVAGE LUSTS", you assume that the movie is gonna be preeeeeeetttttttty entertaining. You would be wrong.

I had been putting off watching any of the old Rodger Corman adaptations of Edgar Alan Poe stories. Even though I'm somewhat fond of Corman and pretty much love Vincent Price, I had always suspected that these films were going to be awful. Looks like I was right, at least for this one.

Maybe awful is a little unfair, it's a sound film, it just moves at a snails pace.. An "AN ORGY OF SAVAGE LUSTS" it is not. Maybe I'm being a little unfair to Corman too. When it was made it was probably pretty compelling, but it doesn't really hold up to the test of time. I do give him credit for sticking fairly close to the original stories that the movie is adapted from. So maybe the problem is more that Poe's stories don't hold up as well.

Oh well, at least the trailer is entertaining...

Trailer of the Day: Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

Why the hell did I like this movie when I was a kid?!? I think I was too young at the time to appreciate her *ahem* assets, and I'm sure I didn't get most of the lame jokes. I have no clue.

Anyway, after watching this movie as an adult I have trouble believing how awful it is. I'd give it a "mildly entertaining" at best, and that's only because I really like puns and bad jokes. Not only is most of the movie pretty bland, a lot of it is really awkward and weird too. Observe:


Wut?

Yes, that is Elvira doing a "sexy" flashdance in front of a movie theatre filled entirely with teenagers. HOW DID ANYONE THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT THAT IN THE MOVIE?!?!

*sigh*

Well, at least the casserole monster was still pretty cool...

Trailer of the Day: The Gravedancers

The first year they did the After Dark horror fest thingy, my roommate and I went to check it out. We were only able to see one movie and choose The Abandoned, which was great, but horribly depressing and made us regret not seeing The Gravedancers, which a friend of ours said she heard was great.

She was grossly misinformed.

While not being Ghosts of Mars level boring, it was still pretty bland. The main problem I had with it is that it doesn't know if it wants to be a creepy ghost story or a freaky monster movie. There's a little creeping suspense in the beginning, but once weird (but not scary) looking ghosts show up and start tossing people around it kind of destroys the tension. But hey, it was good enough to keep half my attention while I did other stuff, so I guess that's something...

Trailer of the Day: Halloween III

Bizarre, mean-spirited, and completely underrated. Halloween III could possibly be my favorite horror film. When it came out it was widely unappreciated due to it's lack of Michael Myers, but I feel it's the best in the series. I can't tell you how much I wish the yearly anthology format of series was kept up. This is one of the most offbeat, original horror flicks ever made. I don't want to go into too much detail about the plot, so I'm just going to tell you to go watch it if you haven't seen it.

Seriously, go now!

Trailer of the Day: The Howling 3

HOLY HELL!

When I watched The Howling 2 I thought the movie suffered because it tried to continue the plot of the first Howling instead of going just completely, batshit insane. The Howling 3: Revenge of the Marsupials makes no such mistake. This could be the most ridiculously bad movie I've watched all year, and possibly the most entertaining. I can't even type Revenge of the Marsupials without loosing it.

I think what I liked most about this movie is that the actors seemed just as confused about the plot as the viewer must be. Half the lines are totally random and several plot points are barely explained (I'm lookin at you, werewolf nuns). I especially love the aborigine guy that keeps screaming at people for no reason.

And how 'bout that trailer! I actually found three and went with this one because it was the wackiest. Plus the quotes at the end are just great. "Should attract devotees of horror thrillers.". How's that for a shining endorsement!

Trailer of the Day: Big Trouble in Little China

Despite my love of this movie, I've never seen the whole thing in one sitting. I mean I've seen the entire movie, just not all at once. So Friday night I sat down with a friend and thought "Now I'll do it, I'll finally watch it all the way", half an hour later I was sound asleep.

Anyway, I still love Big Trouble, even though I've had to watch it in parts. It's probably Carpenter's most nuts film (Prince of Darkness comes close though), and because it doesn't take itself too seriously the actors can just cut loose. Kurt Russel is quite the madman here. He totally hams it up but it's not really out of place with the rest of the madness going on.

I'm surprised that the trailer shows so much of the movie with out really giving away any of the plot. Of course the plot is pretty bat-shit insane so I guess it would be kind of difficult to really give it away. Now that I think about it, Big Trouble  is kind of like a sanitized version of Raw Force. Seeing as how Raw Force came out in '82 (4 years before this) I wonder if Carpenter was at all inspired by it. Well I'll tell you one thing   Raw Force doesn't have, a crazy mystical gorilla monster! Man, that thing scared the crap out of me when I was a kid!

Trailer of the Day: THEY LIVE

Ok, so I know I've been doing a lot of harping on John Carpenter's failures lately. You might even get the impression that I'm not a fan of his work. Let me dispel that notion right now, because THEY LIVE  is one of the finest horror films ever made.

Even though it might not be Carpenter's scariest film (that honor belongs to The Thing), I really feel that it's his best. The film's message is pretty powerful, but still tongue in cheek enough to keep it fun. Not only that but it also has the absolute most pointless, ridiculous fight scene ever, but I guess that's not too surprising seeing as how the movie stars Rowdy Roddy Piper. Where is the remake on this one? I'd love to see that fight scene redone with The Rock and Idris Elba.

This movie is also probably Keith David's best performance. That guy does not get anywhere near enough recognition. He's one of those guys who always plays the same part in every movie, but hey, that never hurt Nicolas Cage's career.

The trailer is pretty boss too. For some reason I love it when they say part of the movie's name over and over before giving you the full title. It's also pretty cool that they don't show any of the creatures till the little glimpse right before the end. I can imagine seeing the trailer in the 80's before you could just look it up on youtube and pause.

Trailer of the Day: The Ward

*SIGH*

I really wanted to think of something witty to start things with but every time I start to think about The Ward I...*sigh*...

Look Carpenter, you've had some really great movies. Most of your work is pretty entertaining, even the bad stuff (with maybe some small exceptions). You know how to make a scary movie and when you're not doing scary you know how to make it campy and fun. This movie, however, was not scary or campy or even fun. What it was, is boring and predictable.

If you've seen a few horror movies, then you will probably guess the "big twist" pretty easily. That would be forgivable if the rest of the movie wasn't bland and lifeless. Lets fill a movie with unlikable characters and then show the unfrightening "monster" a bunch. This is not a good idea.

I was really hoping for something great, I really was, and maybe if it was someone different behind the camera I be a little more forgiving, but lets face it Carpenter, we expect more from the master.

Trailer of the Day: Ghosts of Mars

I tried watching this, I really did. I figured there was no way it could be as bad as it's reputation. Even if it was that bad maybe it would have a certain lovable charm to it like Battlefield Earth (which was a great movie, YOU SHUT UP!).

I didn't make it past the first 20 minutes. Ghosts of Mars suffers from the worst affliction any movie could have, it's boring. I'm fine with bad movies, me and bad movies are cool, but bland movies are something else all together. When a you're watching a movie and you realize it's not quite bad enough, you know you have a problem. I didn't even get to see if there was an inevitable show down between bad-boy Jason Statham and bad-boy Ice Cube.

I don't know if it's just me but it seems like a lot of 90's horror movies were like this. I can think of  some good 90's horror movies if I try hard enough (Candyman come to mind), but I can't think of any bad ones. Maybe there were no bad horror movies in the 90's just boring, totally forgettable ones. Ghosts of Mars  is like a death knell for the 90's wailing on just after it's passing.

Trailer of the Day: Howling 2

I'm having a very hard time expressing my feeling about this one. As you may or may not know I really LOVE the first Howling. It's got great monster design, a pretty good plot, and a really bleak ending.

Howling 2 has none of these things.

The werewolf's make up is comically bad, the plot was needlessly convoluted, and within the first 10 minutes it takes away most of what made the ending of the first one so great. However despite all the flaws, I still found fairly entertaining, in a weird, campy sort of way. It actually has everything I love in bad horror movies; characters whose actions make no sense, lots of bad gore (one guy's eyeballs explode after the werewolf queen shoots him with force lightning, true story), and lots of batshit insanity (the werewolves kill Christopher Lee's midget henchman and then send his possessed body back to kill Lee).

That brings me to the other great thing about this movie, Christoper Lee. I didn't even know he was in it till he popped up on screen. His character is pretty weird too. He plays a werewolf hunter who enlists the main character's help in hunting down the werewolf queen and then proceeds to ignore them and leave them in dangerous situations for the rest of the movie. Weird.

So in the end I think this movie actually suffered from having the Howling name on it. If was just named Revenge of the Werewolf Queen or something I think I would have been able to enjoy for what it is; a bad but bizarrely entertaining werewolf movie.

Trailer of the Day: Elves

I know it's a little past Christmas but seriously, what the hell is this! Even though I know better I have trouble believing this is a real trailer, let alone an actual movie. This is something someone made in tribute to old trailers, right? RIGHT?!?

Anyway, if you couldn't discern the plot from the above clip let me help you out. Neo-Nazis resurrect demonic elves so they can impregnate a virgin and produce a master race which will rule the world, Grizzly Adams must stop them (he's also a former detective, now mall Santa).

I can't decide if this is the worst movie idea or the best one.